the friend with benefits

The sex buddy.

What a scintillating concept. Anytime you feel your loins twitch and naughty flashes of primal pleasure flirt through your mind, a phone call is all it takes to quench that carnal thirst.

But as two friends of mine recently found out, this concept isn’t for anyone vaguely in touch with their emotions.

Their trysts quickly crossed the line into potential boyfriend-land and began to get ugly.

I asked them if they believed they had remained within the unsaid boundaries of buddy relations.

“Yes.” They were very, very quick to point out. “But he said this, then he said that, then he did that so what was that supposed to mean??!”

Amused as I was, it got me thinking about how many people really think about these “boundaries” before they begin treading water in the pond of lust.

So I thought I may take a stab and see what you might have to consider if you ever felt the need to wander into the wonders that is the sex buddy.

Here are a few I came up with:

• Emotions are to be kept at bay, any of your baggage are for your mates, girlfriends and therapist

• Wining and dining are for relationships. The attraction of this arrangement is that the need for romance is replaced by a clear understanding of both participants’ intentions. It is sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

• Details of your relationship history, bad days at work, euphoria at landing that promotion are again for your mates, girlfriends and therapist. These may be used as cause for a celebratory afternoon session but keep it simple and keep the particulars out of it.

• Both parties are free to see other people. Jealousy needs a good kick up the backside or at the very least, stored under your bed and vented out to someone who is obligated to care.

• Apart from a great shag, there should be no other expectations. No. None.

• Tantrums. Just not on.

• Honesty is key with your buddy and especially with yourself- if you want more, and they don’t, pack your bags and walk.

• If you at any point on more than one occasion have to sit there and wonder... “What did he/she mean by that?!” Pack your bags and walk.

• Respect yourself, stay true to how you feel, remember and know your self-worth.

• Bail if you start to feel cheap. Bail if the both of you aren’t equal partners in this deal.

Whew.