Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons once said-“Awww, nothing gets chocolate out.”
Well, this afternoon had me testing if that theory was true.
But I’ve skipped ahead of myself. Let’s start from the beginning.
Aussie flies are as unique as they are irritatingly persistent. I’ve lived in many humid countries and experienced the Fly culture with about as much enthusiasm as getting your first tooth extraction at the dentist.
But the flies that reside in Australia are your real-deal, top-notch little buggers who FEAR NOTHING. They are like the Gladiator’s Supreme in all of Flydom.
You swat them away and this only incites the little shits to fly right back at you. You try to smack them and this only fills them with a sadistic desire to buzz into your mouth, ears and in between your sunglasses and your eyes.
I can’t stress how much this makes me want to vomit and makes my skin crawl more than a centipede on speed.
Apart from turning me into an ultimate example of one with severe Tourettes syndrome, this afternoon threw me into an unfortunate collision with my other half- chocolate.
So there I was on Colin street, one hand in a powerful battle with a very determined gust of wind that was trying to lift my skirt to expose me to the heavens and the other hand trying to balance my extra large, with extra cream, iced chocolate.
Suddenly out of nowhere, with NO provocation whatsoever on my part, came this little shit-kicker that continuously buzzed madly at me.
When loud profanity failed to make a difference (as it always has done, but it still gives me immense satisfaction to utter those delicious curses when I'm that pissed off), I very unwisely resorted to trying to swot him right into fly-oblivion.
This of course also failed miserably and I ended up with chocolate all over my very, very, very white top.
And then, he flew away forever. Little f**ker.
And Yes, Chief Wiggum- you are bloody right. NOTHING gets chocolate out.
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